Tuesday, September 2, 2014

What I wouldn’t give…

2 years and counting and it has still not been any easier...I sure miss my best friend!

What I wouldn’t give to have you here by my side taking on the world together. Moving from city to city with the military making friends and sharing our story of faith. Making friends and develop new “families” together while growing our family. But then I think how incredibly blessed I have been with the new friends and church family I have gained since I lost you. I have been forced to gain more confidence and go out and do things on my own. I have developed some great relationships with friends at church through bible study and serving. I have had the opportunity to go to Jamaica on a missions trip and serve with others from my church and had an amazing life moving experience there. 

What I wouldn’t give to have my travel buddy back to explore and have a blast with. We had such a great time traveling every opportunity we had. I loved all of our trips big or small because we always made the best out of everything and lived life to the fullest. I thought I would not have been able to travel with a little one and no travel partner but I have been extremely blessed with many opportunities. I have met many people from Jamaica to Israel and Panama to London.  Between traveling with TAPS to Alaska and DC often and with some girls to Mexico and Jamaica, I have been embracing life still. I have also been on a couple awesome trips with our precious little girl to Mexico. We also made it to LA and Disneyland and she thought it was the greatest place ever! I just wish we could have done it all with you, but no regrets love. 

What I wouldn’t give to have my husband and father of my daughter around to help me raise our sweet little lady! You were so excited to have kids and start our family and I never dreamed I would have to do this on my own. It is hard being a single mom and I even have a hard time with the image I have to strangers of being a single mom, but we have been rocking it babe. She is getting to be so big and reminds me so much of you. We have been extremely blessed to be close with the family and they have all helped me raise her and she makes me proud. She is going to be one strong girl with a big heart, just like we wanted. 

What I wouldn’t give to just have you come home to me in the evenings. I looked forward to you coming home every night babe to have your companionship. I always had a great time with you weather it was lying on the couch in the evenings, or going for a walk on the waterfront or serving at church, I just enjoyed your company. I have been trying to keep myself busy every night since I don’t like being alone. But I have been volunteering with the Jr High at my new church like we did in Washington and have been volunteering down in the inner-city with my mom’s ministry. I also went back to school and finished my Bachelors in the evenings as well as getting volleyball in when I can. I have been blessed to have my evenings filled with some pretty fulfilling things. 

What I wouldn’t give to have back all of our dreams we had for the future together. We always had such big plans and ideas for what we wanted to accomplish and where we wanted to go. You always wanted to make me happy and spoiled me with fulfilling my dreams too. I am now lost on my own but making short term dreams and goals and working on accomplishing them. It is so hard being in this position without you but we will continue to follow God’s calling and pray for Him to show me the way. 

What I wouldn’t give to have a phone call to heaven,  I long to hear your voice again and to talk to my best friend. You were truly all I ever wanted in a soul mate and husband. I am so thankful that I have so many things to long for because we had it all babe. We developed a relationship based on our faith and worked hard at making it the best, and we were blessed. I thank God every day for all that we had. I know he has had his hand in everything and I continue to see if blessings every day. Even though I long for all of these things, I have become a better person and developed a closer relationship with the Lord through all of this. I realize life it too short not to live and love fully…no regrets.